It's not easy being a political hardass sometimes.

Did I tell you about my colleagues' shenanigans with their weight/fat loss pool? It's like a football pool, but they're weighing and fat-measuring themselves. As you can imagine, my initial reaction was OH $DEITY NO GET THAT AWAY FROM ME, and it's morphed into WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY? as time has worn on. They're using the "I'm doing it for myself" argument. Also, the "but I'm a feminist!" argument (which totally makes everything okay, cause it's all about CHOICE, you know). And the "argh my clothes don't fit and I desperately hate shopping" argument. So, okay. That is at least practical. I mean, I don't like losing weight for the same reason. I'm still bitter about the gorgeous party dresses that couldn't be taken in.

It's hard to be uber committed to my point of view on this one, though. I mean. The email they sent introducing this craziness let you vote "yes", "no" or "I find this completely offensive". Many of them are also discovering the magic of the gym, too, so I have people to bond with over that.

So. I find myself surprisingly not bothered by other people's weightloss talk all of a sudden. WTF?!

I had no idea. Going to the gym? Is RIOTOUSLY FUN.

I've been going once or twice a week for... just under a month, I guess. The classes are greatly entertaining - I've been going to yoga, a yoga-pilates-fusion thing, and one with silly pop music and barbells, and they change routines pretty much every time I go, so it's a tiny little surprise for my whole body. Sometimes my fun friends are there, too! The trainer recommended to me by that dude I gave such a hard time? Is not only not a narrow-minded dumbass but is amusing and fairly insightful for a 12 year old (and has pretty eyes). He's no my-old-coach, but he'll do.

I declare the gym a success. Yay, gym!

In other news: I forgot how in all Jane Austen's books "you're looking fatter" is a total compliment about how you're not miserable and depressed anymore. Yay, 19th century!

There's a cute post on Shapely Prose that uses the 'get a bikini bod in 2.5 minutes' articles in most magazines to talk about getting comfortable in a bathing suit.

Which reminds me of a question I had awhile back!
Poll #1191050
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

All weather being equal, do you feel most comfortable...

I personally think I look better not-quite-naked, or sometimes in dance costume. Clothes never quite feel designed for the shape of my body.

Guess what I did last night?

No, really. Guess!

You didn't guess "joined a gym", did you? Because if you know me at all, you know of my passionate hate for the gym mindset. The pain = gain. The appearance = health. All the wildly simplified equations and just the general unpleasantness of the places. Ick.

Anyhow. I joined a gym. My trainer has disappeared off the face of the earth, and I need program design help to figure out some of the dance-prep strengthening I want to do. So when arovd suggested that we practice together in her gym's (fantastic slippy-floored, mirrored, nicely lit) space... eh, okay.

The environment is... not as bad as I expected. There was one poster that bothered me enough I. Um. Sorta hid it. It was a small act of subversion. We went to a yogaish workout class that I enjoyed, and the space really is fantastic. The people there were reasonably diverse. The guy who showed me around was remarkably tolerant of my continuous ripping on his profession. We'll see if the trainer recommendation he made pans out.

There are a LOT of treadmills. That? Is creepy.

I don't know what it says about me that my first response to this post about some over-the-top gym in Denver's godawful advertising [The ad shows a fat woman talking to her friend about only having beer in the house - cause she can lure men there with it, and if they still reject her, she can drown her sorrows. It's pretty damned offensive, both politically (between actually throwing pies at fatties, the implication of coercive sex, and the stereotype... sheesh) and artistically (more poorly acted and filmed than an infomercial).] is to wish that I had a silkscreener. *

Because I? Now want a t-shirt that says "I have BEER!" even though I'd probably end up punching a LOT of people every time I wore it. [ETA: But you know? I haven't been getting much punching practice in. It could entertain my mind AND my body. Hmm...]

I wonder how many straight guys are convinced they won't sleep with a fat woman? I imagine it's quite a few - I remember from dating websites that almost no guy ever checks the box equivalent to "giant fatty" when they're listing the body types they'll accept in a date. Almost no guy INCLUDING the guys who've hit on me, I might add. It's that same thing with calling yourself fat; for a lot of people, it means something more like "ugly and bad". Those are the same guys who think I weigh 110. I've been thinking about this lately because I'm lonely. And being lonely reminds me that fat is supposed to be something people aren't attracted to, that I am fat, and that people are attracted to me. Three things that don't logically add up. That makes me sad, people. The failure of things to make sense depresses me.

I had a point beyond just saying again that our cultural attitude about fat fucks with people's heads. And the obvious rant that this notion about fat is present in so much asshattery. Gah. I mean, really? The PIE in the face thing? Why does anyone tolerate that way of thinking about themselves? Why would a fat woman be in that ad? Why would ANYONE go to that gym?

* I'm afraid that what this says about me is that chubbyninja has finally rubbed off on me.

I am, sometimes, more like a character in a chick-lit novel that I'd care to admit. Because, as cutegaychick said yesterday, my crises?* Are really amusing.

I told you all about the video camera, right? That my dad gave me one for xmas? Well, in addition to recording video of my family and friends for some future date of schmoopiness, I caught some footage of me walking from behind (footage courtesy of mom). And I really didn't like the view of my ass from behind. NOT BECAUSE I AM A GIANT FATTY. I mean, yes, I am a giant fatty [I am SO going to go rename the "fat" tag "giant fatty" when this post is done.]. And, okay, maybe right after coming home from being mommed, I might have been thinking just possibly that being a giant fatty was a Very Bad Thing. HOWEVER, the problem was not the size of my ass but the aesthetic displeasure I experienced watching it move.

So I wondered if my problem could be the non-turned-out walk I trained for a couple of years ago. I used to walk, and stand, and probably sleep, with a distinct turnout (at the hips, like everyone learns in ballet class). It's not good for speed, and it's theoretically not good for my hips (although I think the new walk may have unintentionally contributed to calf and foot issues). But it is, I think, more pleasing to look at. I know because I? Did SEVERAL video takes this morning of different walks, arm and head positions. From multiple angles! I'd show you the videos, but on this point, dearest, loveliest LJ, you do not get a vote.

I wasn't just looking for something I found more attractive (though that was without a doubt the main catalyst), but also checking out this thing with my head. Around the same time as the walk retraining thing, I discovered that I'd been sticking my chin & head out and up for ages, and have since been correcting by constantly tilting my head down. Over time, though, I'd learned to keep my head in a perfectly fine neutral position, and when I installed more mirrors in my bedroom [for DANCING, kids. Don't get all excited.], I could see that I actually look down when I mean to have my head neutral. I've overcorrected. I've also been doing something weird and awkward with my arms. And all this fantastic body knowledge thanks to what could've been one of those old-school "OMG I am so FAT, I need a DIET" episodes.

My crises?* Are AWESOME.

* This is not, in fact, an example of a crisis in the sense of a Great Big Problem; it's just a thing I thought a lot about.

And, also, just, from me, a wish to treat yourselves and your bodies with tender, attentive, active appreciation. It doesn't matter if your choices are different from mine, I'm wishing that for you. (from susanstinson, here)

I got mommed when I went home for the holiday. I don't mean that my mother pushes her perspective or agenda on me in any way, but simply by being my mother her stuff with her body reflects back at me & almost always gets me questioning myself. And rarely in a good way.

The same week that the BBC was publishing studies about how DANGEROUSLY SHORT we're getting, Reuters also covered the BMI project we were talking about a couple of weeks ago. It's not just coming out and saying "BMI is stupid", but it's pretty close, and pretty national. So, yay.

Shapely Prose links to an article about the HEALTH DANGERS OF SHORTNESS.

I'd say something else, but between Kate and the effing BBC, it appears to have already been said.

I really dig the end of the new Fat Rant - I'll try to be nicer to you, too.

Watch it (it's short)!

If you haven't seen this, you should. And you should send in a photo with your height and weight!

Shapely Prose started a photostream showing people of every BMI category - "underweight", "normal", "overweight", "obese" and everyone's favorite "morbidly obese". Check it out (as Kate says, looking at it as a slideshow with comments displayed is quite powerful).

It's kindof amazing. Many of the "overweight" folk just look average-sized [Probably explained by the Day Everyone Became Fat Overnight - when we gained several thousand fat people instantly thanks to BMI category changes.]. The surprise for me? Many of the "underweight" people do, too. So do a decent number of the "obese" people. People just look like the people they are.

Instructions on how to join up are on Kate's post.

I meant to talk about this after I came back from Hawai'i...

My little beach cottage that last night had a stocked bathroom, which included a scale (among other things). I don't know at what point I transitioned from desperately needing to get the scale out of my house to one for whom getting to weigh myself is a treat, but that? Is apparently what I've done. I weighed myself at least 5, and possibly as many as 10, times in under 24 hours. In that time, my weight fluctuated by 10 lbs according to the scale.

Dude! That is quite a range. I suspect some of it was scale inconsistency, but at least some was also natural variation in my weight (that day between 208 and 218, if you care). If it was, in fact, all me, my weight varies by as much as 5% on a daily basis.

I'm tempted to buy an inexpensive scale and chart variances till I find a trend - like, maybe I gain or lose 10 lbs as I sleep. But. I'm paranoid that having a scale in my house would revert me back to a critical, "OMG I'm so FAT [bad]" thought process about weight. Am I a 4th level fattivist, or whatever you need to be in order to find weight a curiosity without any particular value attached to it? And could I retain that curiosity?

Huh. Interesting. Do I sound like I'm terrified of scales? Because I? Am terrified of scales.

Have y'all heard about the latest exciting fat controversy?

The fabulous Hanne Blank is coming out as a dieter. And fattivists are thinking a lot about that [if by "thinking about" you mean "actively and articulately pissed"].

I think I've drunk the wrong Kool-Aid or something, because I believe her new blog could be a pretty good thing. Not! Because I think Blank is unhealthy and morally bankrupt and her life will just be so so so much better if she diets. Or, for that matter, that I think weightloss diets work. Especially for women. But there's this enormous pressure on people to shrink. Most people feel it. And someone significant in the fat movement admitting to this, caving to it, is really thought-provoking.

I used to have a huge problem with weightloss / diet talk. I still think it's a dumb idea, though it's a really common dumb idea. I just. I get it more. I get it more having shrunk a little and mostly grown back (or sorta grown back - I dunno, my body is really different) and feeling how weird my body is to me. Having a Body versus a Me, for instance. That's freaky. Yet. I suspect it's how lots of people feel. I know a big response to it is weightloss dieting, or as Pinky would have it a Whole New Way of Eating, and there are assloads of people dieting.

When I found the fat movement, all the Yay, Fatness! fatties were this beacon of light for me. Here were all these people who apparently just unconditionally loved themselves. I wanted that! I wanted my fatness to be great, or even just a simple, no-value-attached fact. And now, most of the time, it's just a fact. I'm fairly convinced my life wouldn't be any better if I were thinner. I'm positive it wouldn't be any better if I were dieting. I suppose if I'd never found the fat movement, I'd be less flummoxed when I, say, found myself attracted to people who later decided to diet or called their smaller-than-me selves fat - but I could be a lot sadder, too. That, by the way, is another story, kids. Remind me to tell you that one.

You know how I got there? I went on a Whole New Way of Eating. I was eating crap and not moving, and I started eating less crappily and became a dance teacher. I lost a little weight, regained a bunch of it (this is, by the way, over a period of 3-4 years now), and I came out of it with a less fucked up relationship with myself, and as it turns out, a slightly less self-righteous relationship with everyone else.

I said most of the time about that body image thing. You caught that, right? At my best, I wonder once a day whether I could or should try to make myself thinner. At my worst, I feel like a failed Official Fat Person for not feeling the love 100%. So few of those fat icons cop to anything less than 100%. Of course, some of those fat icons probably don't even consider me big enough to be an Official Fat Person. My angst feels invalidated, dammit! It really did feel like the movement didn't have anything to offer on that count - which would be okay if the movement were purely political (it's not a political action group's responsibility to give me tools to feel better about being progressive, for instance). This movement is not purely political, though. It's social and cultural and sciencey, too.

Yeah. So. No, choosing a Whole New Way of Eating if you're an icon of the fat movement is NOT a "personal choice". It contradicts a lot of the premises of the movement. It is also, however, a choice that brings at least one fat icon a little closer to what most people feel about their size. Dieting is part of the journey for a lot of people, and if the great mass of fattivists are all "but Diets Don't Work!" that makes it a lot harder for individual fatties to work through their own contradictions. Nowhere does it say that a slightly less fat person can't be a fattivist, that I suddenly must become anti-fat if I shrink some. I also don't need to become a self-righteous pro-diet shit, which frankly many fatties have done with their "OMG my whole life is soooooo much better" rhetoric about losing weight. Tell you what, dieting fatties: I won't demand that you explain yourself constantly, and you can work on a schtick that sounds a little less like an add for weight loss surgery. Sound like a deal? [It's the pro-diet asshat comments on Blank's blog that really get me. Can you tell? I think anyone who has to proclaim loudly that they have no regrets must have some. Something about protesting too much...]

Further. What if Hanne Blank is right? What if she will feel better still fat but slightly less so? What if she'll sustain fewer injuries? What if she'll be more mobile, have more time or energy? Hell, what if she'll even be a better fattivist slightly less fat? Should we kick her out of the movement anyhow?

I am not suggesting that the fat movement alter its political stance about weightloss dieting, medical weightloss, or the aggregated science around weight and health. The political aspect of the movement is right about those things, and right to say that one's life should not & must not be more or less affected by discrimination based on size (a lot of where the "my whole life is better" rhetoric seems to come from). But. The personal aspect of the movement can afford to allow that individual results vary and that in the real world today being fat can kinda suck - and that some people want to & are able to be less fat.

People get a lot of different results when they undertake a change in their lifestyle with a weightloss motivation. Some get smaller, some don't. Some get happier (often without shrinking a bit), some don't. I think it's entirely possible to set out on a weightloss plan and come back a healthier, more fat-loving person - regardless of size.

The Kiyonna peeps sent me an email advertising those Spanx things (which is, I have to admit, cute in an almost-kinky way). And I was thinking, you know, I used to wear "control-top" stockings/tights all the time, yet the "body shaper" idea squicks me for some reason.

Why is that?
Poll #1043396
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Do you wear "body shapers" of some sort?

Whether you wear them or not, are they a good idea?

Random extra credit question - if you do wear anything that changes the shape of your body, how does that change the way you perceive your body when wearing or not wearing that thing? You could include bras in that, I suppose. Does it make a difference?

I used to be all "OMG you can see my tummy" if I wasn't wearing The Great Control Top. But bra vs. no-bra isn't a huge issue. So, I wonder.

If you haven't seen it yet, you should: at least one company cutting employees' pay for being fat. Apparently that's serious. I assume someone will press a legal challenge, but since fatness isn't exactly a protected -ness... Well, that's an argument in favor of the we-can't-help-it-fat's-just-like-gay position, right there [Leaving aside that fat is, in my mind, a lot like gay - a complex and individual combination of nature, nurture and choice just like many many other things].

The fucked up thing about the fat clause (which I don't expect will really take off, legal challenges aside - it doesn't seem like something most companies could sustain) is that it not only penalizes people for a -ness they may or may not be able to change, but it's not a -ness associated with disease. If I have normal blood pressure and cholesterol and reasonable activity and eating habits, I may yet be fat (indeed, as it turns out, I am), but have in no way increased health care cost (it's true - I get allergy meds once a month and generally don't even see a doctor more than once a year). Having no other indication of likely illness, I'd still get reduced pay unless I could lose weight, likely at the expense of my otherwise good health. That? Is just bad, expensive, corporate policy. Like, are we sure The Onion didn't report that? policy.

It was ostensibly just costume photos from a member of the Detroit PURE group (and dude! they have THIRTY people!), but it sparked a couple of dismissive comments about cultural appropriation followed by some more investigative ones followed by some really unfounded notions that PERFORMANCE IS NEVER ACTIVIST.

That's right, people. Art? Is just about some person's "self-expression". O RLY? Have you no education in the history of performance? [Okay, yeah, I know I'm being a cultural snob here, but on what planet is protesting the One True Activism and art a sideline activity? It's not like art-as-protest is either new or dead. Hello? LiveEarth? Like, last week? I don't get how someone could be so clueless on this subject.]

The comment thread has: misunderstandings of tribal bellydance, debate about what's "real" fattivism, disparaging remarks about art, snark about "sisterhood", questions about cultural appropriation (and a hint of Orientalism, but I think maybe that was just me). It's like lj-feminist came to hang out on fatshionista just to entertain me!

On a serious note, I do get that people who find bellydance troublesome have probably gotten tired of explaining why by now. Just because I don't get tired of examining that particular fish doesn't mean others are obliged to. But, really, people? If you're gonna bring it up, do you have to be such a dismissive ass about it? In my experience, people often haven't given thought to the cultural implications of dance shit, but they're pretty open to questioning it.

Brazil, Brazil, Brazil. Your advertisers are funny like Northern Virginia, no? I am particularly fond of the guy who looks like he's pregnant with an angry, sweaty thin man.

You may, by the way, remember Brazil as the country whose advertisers brought you such craziness as using gorgeous fat women to sell low-fat yogurt. I have a new slogan for them: Brazil... giving Prince William County, VA a run for its money.

Fat helps heart attack, but don't be fat anyway! from BFB.

There's really nothing I can add to Paul's brilliant piece of snarkery. Suffice to say, his wrapup of the Duke study that showed fat people fared better after heart attacks (though reporting on it all warns people that FAT IS STILL BAD) is hilarious.

Apparently heated debate between MeMe Roth, Joy Nash & Kelly Bliss. So, first off, I had no idea who MeMe Roth is (I thought the spelling was a joke when I first saw it, even) - she apparently runs a group called "National Action on Obesity", which is mostly known for doing that ridiculous (and sexist, and heterocentric) "wedding gown challenge" I vaguely remember. She talks as if she should know what she's saying, but it's clear she's not an expert by any measure now that I've seen her website (not to mention her repetitive references to Standard Obesity Crisis Factbits).

So it surprises me that the conversation is all about Love Yourself my way - no, Love Yourself MY way. I would've expected more refutation of Roth's "science" from Kelly Bliss. And Nash? Okay, I know, she's an actress who did a cool video - I shouldn't expect her to be able to take a particularly informed stance. Hell, I can't take a particularly informed stance, either. I was, nevertheless, frustrated to watch what had been touted as this "look how well we fought back against that chick" thing turn out to be... um, mostly a couple of fat chicks saying "obesity is really a problem, but we should love ourselves anyhow... and further EVERYONE HAS A RESPONSIBILITY TO EXERCISE".

Telling people they have the responsibility to exercise or eat "well" is the most self-absorbed crap. There's no press and political machine saying I have the responsibility to care for my environment, or my neighbors, or really much of anything that would actually constitute an obligation to someone else or the world. But it's possible to sustain a multi-year moral panic over waistlines in the name of "health" - not only possible, but you can get fat advocates to support it on television. I am so not down with this. It feels wrong to me, and I don't think it works, anyhow.

Hey, on the up side, at least it's probably a good sign that yayfat vs. nayfat "debate" gets press.

I'm just reposting stuff that Paul posts from now on. Cause, if I missed Fat Hate Bingo, what kind of fattivist am I?

No kind at all, I tell ya.

There are equivalent Anti-Feminist Bingo (and a subset just for comics), variants about racism and white liberals... "gay bingo", on the other hand, is a search string that nets a variety of drag-based activity. Point being, if you haven't heard of $ARGUMENT Bingo, it's a way of getting someone who's spouting the same tired arguments to leave you alone until they've at least read some of the common refutations of said tired arguments.

I've never actually used one, cause I like tired arguments, but my favorite is Fat Hate Bingo's "500 lbs!" - a number so often cited as meaning someone must be unhealthy, and being unhealthy means everyone else has a moral duty to shame you.