Guess what I did last night?

No, really. Guess!

You didn't guess "joined a gym", did you? Because if you know me at all, you know of my passionate hate for the gym mindset. The pain = gain. The appearance = health. All the wildly simplified equations and just the general unpleasantness of the places. Ick.

Anyhow. I joined a gym. My trainer has disappeared off the face of the earth, and I need program design help to figure out some of the dance-prep strengthening I want to do. So when arovd suggested that we practice together in her gym's (fantastic slippy-floored, mirrored, nicely lit) space... eh, okay.

The environment is... not as bad as I expected. There was one poster that bothered me enough I. Um. Sorta hid it. It was a small act of subversion. We went to a yogaish workout class that I enjoyed, and the space really is fantastic. The people there were reasonably diverse. The guy who showed me around was remarkably tolerant of my continuous ripping on his profession. We'll see if the trainer recommendation he made pans out.

There are a LOT of treadmills. That? Is creepy.

I hadn't intended to post anything about the whole "Open Source Boob Project" thing that so many of my friendslisters have been talking about cause, honestly, y'all have way stronger opinions on the subject than I do. On both sides. And I don't know - I can imagine a kinder, more utopian form of sexuality where people were simply curious about touching (which is how I read the thing when I first saw it, and how I'd still like to imagine it), but I also realize that people can get way out of hand with the public skeevitude without the aid of a regulated invitation to groping... especially at cons. Which are, oh, by the way, places where women often really really really hope to get away from that physical-appearance-and-sexual-availability-defines-us crap. Alas, geekitude does not guarantee a safe, grunch-free, space. Note the massive "milady, blahblahblahblahblah" comeons at Pennsic, ferinstance. And the Boob Project? It doesn't help that the dude who posted it comes of as King Skeeve in other posts. Or that, you know, they're "boobs" all jeering middleschooler style.

But. Whatever perspective one may have on free-touching passes in public spaces, I think it's safe to say that interpreting participation in such a 'project' as self-victimization and an invitation to sexual assault is RANK BULLSHIT. It isn't the only "don't walk alone at night" style post I've seen on the subject, but it & its comments are by far the worst. There's some nice sexism with a hint of classism and racism in a variety of the other counter-projects, too.

It disturbs me greatly how much wrong shit surfaces when we start to talk about sex and sexism.

We? Are stuck in Hawai'i.

Well, more specifically one of our flights got cancelled, so we had the option of being stuck here over the weekend, or flying back to Dallas, staying in the airport all day, then taking our chances on a flight to Baltimore that may well also be cancelled, renting a car from Baltimore (assuming we actually arrived there) and driving home. So we chose the option that's guaranteed to get us home without stranding us somewhere we don't want to be, even if several days later.

This? Is after my flight from Hilo to Honolulu earlier this week was cancelled because the airline ceased to exist. At least this time we actually got rebooked on a new flight.

I think this is an appropriate moment for this message from AA.

Last week I voted for Clinton. Which I did, honestly, because both she and Obama are decent candidates on many issues I care about, enough that they were essentially even in my mind. And she's female.

And someone turned her likeness into a nutcracker figurine. You know, her thighs crack nuts.
And people who don't like her often do so for the bumbling, inarticulate reason that "she's a cunt".
And every damned person in the country likes to call her by her first name and all the dudes by their last ones.
And because I live in the state of Virginia, and have never even voted in a county where a woman's name was on the ballot.
And because, when talking about her leadership ability, someone invariably brings up that she either does or does not "stand by her man" as they believe she should or shouldn't.
And because Shakesville can list 62 citations of sexist talk about Clinton in the last six months.

I understand not wanting a specific woman to be president because she has political views with which you disagree. But "BECAUSE SHE'S A CUNT"? Seriously? That's just stupid. I worry, given the overt and depressing sexism that people and the media are directing and targeting at Clinton that Obama, when he wins the Democrats' nomination, will face just the same thing - but less overt, cause I just don't see even conservative pundits getting by calling him a "porch monkey" the way they do with calling her a "she devil". Is this country backwards enough that we still can't really handle the concept of a woman (or a black man) in charge?

Some dude called my decision "sexist". Emotional, it may be. But sexism isn't just making choices based on gender, idiot: it's systematic. There are 86 women in the US Congress (out of the 425 total, in case that number isn't at the front of your mind). And 62 ways Clinton is a fulcrum for this country's sexism. Damn straight in an even-to-me contest, I'll pick the candidate who gets excoriated for looking like me.

And she has a fucking last name, okay?

My FTP server is being wicked slow tonight, so I figured I'll make this upload go even slower by doing even more shit with my internets. From chubbyninja.

How many songs total: 3407
How many hours or days of music: 9 days
Most recently played: Aicha - Khaled
Most played: Whatever It Is - Ben Lee
Most recently added: Aide Razbole Se - Pirin Bulgaria

Sort by song title:
First Song: A - Barenaked Ladies
Last Song: 1981 - Adam Arcuragi

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: The Mustard - Buffy Musical (20 sec)
Longest Song: Flying Blind (Speranza fanfic at ~1 hr)

Sort by album:
First album: ABBA
Last album: 1200 Curfews (Indigo Girls)

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Pink Bullets - The Shins
Search the following and state how many songs come up:

Death - 67
Life - 25
Love - 155
Hate – 7
You - 368
Sex – 7

I don't know what it says about me that my first response to this post about some over-the-top gym in Denver's godawful advertising [The ad shows a fat woman talking to her friend about only having beer in the house - cause she can lure men there with it, and if they still reject her, she can drown her sorrows. It's pretty damned offensive, both politically (between actually throwing pies at fatties, the implication of coercive sex, and the stereotype... sheesh) and artistically (more poorly acted and filmed than an infomercial).] is to wish that I had a silkscreener. *

Because I? Now want a t-shirt that says "I have BEER!" even though I'd probably end up punching a LOT of people every time I wore it. [ETA: But you know? I haven't been getting much punching practice in. It could entertain my mind AND my body. Hmm...]

I wonder how many straight guys are convinced they won't sleep with a fat woman? I imagine it's quite a few - I remember from dating websites that almost no guy ever checks the box equivalent to "giant fatty" when they're listing the body types they'll accept in a date. Almost no guy INCLUDING the guys who've hit on me, I might add. It's that same thing with calling yourself fat; for a lot of people, it means something more like "ugly and bad". Those are the same guys who think I weigh 110. I've been thinking about this lately because I'm lonely. And being lonely reminds me that fat is supposed to be something people aren't attracted to, that I am fat, and that people are attracted to me. Three things that don't logically add up. That makes me sad, people. The failure of things to make sense depresses me.

I had a point beyond just saying again that our cultural attitude about fat fucks with people's heads. And the obvious rant that this notion about fat is present in so much asshattery. Gah. I mean, really? The PIE in the face thing? Why does anyone tolerate that way of thinking about themselves? Why would a fat woman be in that ad? Why would ANYONE go to that gym?

* I'm afraid that what this says about me is that chubbyninja has finally rubbed off on me.

I am, sometimes, more like a character in a chick-lit novel that I'd care to admit. Because, as cutegaychick said yesterday, my crises?* Are really amusing.

I told you all about the video camera, right? That my dad gave me one for xmas? Well, in addition to recording video of my family and friends for some future date of schmoopiness, I caught some footage of me walking from behind (footage courtesy of mom). And I really didn't like the view of my ass from behind. NOT BECAUSE I AM A GIANT FATTY. I mean, yes, I am a giant fatty [I am SO going to go rename the "fat" tag "giant fatty" when this post is done.]. And, okay, maybe right after coming home from being mommed, I might have been thinking just possibly that being a giant fatty was a Very Bad Thing. HOWEVER, the problem was not the size of my ass but the aesthetic displeasure I experienced watching it move.

So I wondered if my problem could be the non-turned-out walk I trained for a couple of years ago. I used to walk, and stand, and probably sleep, with a distinct turnout (at the hips, like everyone learns in ballet class). It's not good for speed, and it's theoretically not good for my hips (although I think the new walk may have unintentionally contributed to calf and foot issues). But it is, I think, more pleasing to look at. I know because I? Did SEVERAL video takes this morning of different walks, arm and head positions. From multiple angles! I'd show you the videos, but on this point, dearest, loveliest LJ, you do not get a vote.

I wasn't just looking for something I found more attractive (though that was without a doubt the main catalyst), but also checking out this thing with my head. Around the same time as the walk retraining thing, I discovered that I'd been sticking my chin & head out and up for ages, and have since been correcting by constantly tilting my head down. Over time, though, I'd learned to keep my head in a perfectly fine neutral position, and when I installed more mirrors in my bedroom [for DANCING, kids. Don't get all excited.], I could see that I actually look down when I mean to have my head neutral. I've overcorrected. I've also been doing something weird and awkward with my arms. And all this fantastic body knowledge thanks to what could've been one of those old-school "OMG I am so FAT, I need a DIET" episodes.

My crises?* Are AWESOME.

* This is not, in fact, an example of a crisis in the sense of a Great Big Problem; it's just a thing I thought a lot about.

Here's an explanation of how the privilege exercise works in a classroom - which is where it was intended to be used. And more from the source. I'm intrigued by the statement that ... the people on one end of the room had to work harder to be here today than the people at the other end of the room. It's followed later in the exercise by a statement that having privilege "doesn't mean you worked less hard". So, uh. Which is it? *

The exercise seems to be, as crafting_change (and others, but especially her) noted, coming from a pretty weird place on social vs. economic class. If you follow the source link & look at their "social class awareness quiz", you'll see questions that gain you "blue points" such as:
What are Kona and Blue Mountain?
a. Resorts
b. Hotels
c. Islands
d. Coffee

And countering, "red point", questions:
What is 10W40?
a. An Unemployment form
b. A kind of oil
c. A criminal background check
d. A truck

Dude, that quiz needs a "how do you feel" debrief afterwards. Words like "unemployment" and "criminal" do not even APPEAR on the blue point list. If the questions are peppered with social-knowledge kinds of things like WWF and Vivaldi, and with an obvious bent that WWF = poverty, criminality, etc., Vivaldi = wealth, consumption, etc. AND each has a particular set of educational biases. Ah. I'm not making fantastic sense here, but I am now bothered by this exercise. I think it sets out to point out background differences in a way that is already pretty classist.

* Which is part of the point of a meaningful class discussion - neither statement is exactly true.

PS. Y'all are fantastic at teaching me about the world and your perspectives.

( I think this may be interesting to those of you who think about class privilege and class in general, which is probably most of y'all. )

One of the big class-based predictors of academic success is supposed to be the presence of books in your house. My parents both came from factory-working families, but were avid readers (mom read magazines, but was also in school for most of my lower school years, so lots of college textbooks, while dad read assloads of fiction). Both of my parents shared books with me, and I don't just mean the books themselves but conversation about them.

I don't know why I felt the need to point that out, except that a) I was always a big nerd and b) I am now an equally big yuppie. So the research is right in my case.

If you're a Lush fan, they've apparently overstocked some stuff and are giving away a free thing for every thing you buy. Which is a good deal if you like their holiday stuff!

This was an entertaining journey into my personality, not for the content of the posts but my process in copying and linking to them. I declared to myself that doing each thing in order on the page - starting with a href, then copying the link, then closing the link & copying over the text - would make sense and be efficient. But I quickly diverged from even MY OWN instructions and started doing things in all weird order, each line different from the last. It's as if my brain cannot accept rote tasks and repeatable processes.
( Anyhow, on to the first line of each month! )

Hey! Apparently I'm painting again [See user icon on this post. My style continues in a primary-school expressionist wanky self-portrait vein, as you'll see. It's the next big thing.].

I haven't painted in at least a year. Or, well... six months if you count the painting of the art that is now my tattoo.

Also, one person in the entire world believes that I can be butch. Which is related to this because I? Am rocking the paint-covered overalls and flannel shirt look tonight. TOTALLY BUTCH. I swear. STOP LAUGHING. I'm tough and arty, dammit.

And, also, just, from me, a wish to treat yourselves and your bodies with tender, attentive, active appreciation. It doesn't matter if your choices are different from mine, I'm wishing that for you. (from susanstinson, here)

I got mommed when I went home for the holiday. I don't mean that my mother pushes her perspective or agenda on me in any way, but simply by being my mother her stuff with her body reflects back at me & almost always gets me questioning myself. And rarely in a good way.

Benazir Bhutto was assassinated.

That's all. I just like saying Io, Saturnalia.

I've never managed to keep a to-do list at home. I get tired and exasperated when dealing with "organization". But I've been coaching at work for awhile, and I finally, after a sense of mounting stress and impending DOOOOOOOM, made a teeny step just by making the stuff I think has to get done more visible & putting it on the back of my door. TADA. Turns out I'm not really THAT busy, just convinced enough that I am - and often subsequently paralyzed.

There are probably more lessons I could be taking from this into my non-Agile program at the office, too. I'll have to keep sitting with that.

Y'all, I learned something awe-striking this week. Richmond? Does not have to have homeless people.

About 1500 people don't have permanent housing in the area each day. Only about 4000-5000 people are homeless each year. A MILLION people live in Richmond and its counties (though a lot of our homeless neighbors are in the city proper - but still, 5000 out of maybe 200,000). And some of those people are kids, right? So Richmond needs like, what? 4000 decent-paying jobs and apartments that cost less than ridiculous Fan rents? We should do that.

Thursday I volunteered at this homeless connection thing with Homeward, and I've been waiting to write about it till I could even talk about it without being flooded with emotion. The event brought together a bunch of services for folk who don't have permanent homes (this includes a fair number of people who are staying in long term shelters and transitional housing), and volunteers walked each person through whatever services they asked for. Jobs. Healthcare. Photo ID - that was a popular one. Haircuts. I about lost it when my last client, who is my age, needed a place to stay for the night [Done. 2 minutes.]. The folk I worked with were fantastic, gracious people. Yeah, a couple of them were unmotivated, maybe a little whiny (as homeless people tend to be stereotyped) - but you know what? So are some of y'all (and me, sometimes). We make poor decisions. Some people make a lot of them. Some people get caught in bizarrely bad circumstances. That? Is what community is supposed to protect and rescue you from: poor decisions & shitty circumstances.

Anyhow. It was an intense experience, and it spurred me to find out how to take more systemic action. You should do the same.

from fancymcsnazsnaz, among others.
( Seven Deadly Sins meme )

Something amarama posted about her age made me think of this. You know the meme where you google your name and some verb? I tried it with my age.

Some things 32 is...
Magic Johnson's retired jersey #. Magic. Johnson! Get it?
The freezing point of water at sea level in degrees Fahrenheit (not that you needed to google that).
The number of places in the US with "eagle" in their name.
A full set of adult teeth.
The country code to phone Belgium.
A "happy number".

And then I thought about all the 32s I already know - encryption, chess boards, flavors at the ice cream shop.